Tonight I am a camel. A big, fat, mean, spitting, ugly camel.I don't like myself right now.
To tell the truth, I don't really like anyone in my house right now.
I feel like every child (all seven of them) were out to get me this afternoon. I was pulled in 7 directions,
whined at, yelled at, complained to, cried to, and the straw that broke this camel's back was when one child decided to enter into a major power struggle with me over picking up his mess in his room.
"Pick up your room."
Whining: "I CA-A-A-A-N'T" From there we continued this battle of wills for about 20 minutes. Finally-I gave in. Sort of. Told him to just go to bed. No story-no nothing-just go to bed. His retaliation: spaghetti legs! Drop! Onto the floor and more whining: "I CA-A-A-A-N'T" So, I helped him! That didn't go over well. We then had some kicking, scratching, pinching, yelling, angry-evil eyes, spitting, struggling---and that was just me!
No-of course it wasn't. That was him-well-except for the yelling part.That one was me. Somewhere in the middle I exclaimed (that's my nice work for screamed), "I am not hurting you!!!! I am not pinching you!!! I am not scratching you!!! Look at my arms!!! You need to stop!!!) Some of you are wondering why I didn't just leave the room at the get go and let him have his tantrum alone. Well-this is the same child that pees down my heater vents when he is angry-so...not a great idea to leave him alone in his anger.
I could just leave the post there. You could each decide who you feel sorry for. The child whose Mommy lost her temper and engaged in a crazy power struggle with a four year old-or-the Mommy who now has scratches all up and down her arms and is exhausted and frustrated and still has 4 children to put to bed, a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a messy house.
But...for those of you who don't know me-one thing you will soon learn about me is that I say it like it is. I put it all out there. For better-for worse. Some will love me for that. Some will hate me for it. Some will read my blog because they want that transparency. Some will never read it again.
Here's why I am a camel. Sure, he disobeyed. Sure, he is VERY difficult. Sure, he is not even mine yet and I do not have a bonding attachment to him so it is VERY hard to love him in his anger. But-to him-I am a BIG-MEAN-SPITTING-YELLING CAMEL. He is the child. Sent to me-by God-to love and care for and to try my best to heal some of his hurt. And, I think the reason he is so difficult for me to handle-if I have to say it-is because he struggles with anger and so do I. Sometimes the ones the most like us are the hardest to face. There it is. The truth. I am the adult. I am the one that needs to change.
I need to remember that I am not fighting against him...
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
When I wake up I need to:
"Put on the full armor of God....belt of truth (so what comes out of my mouth will be from God's word-not my own), breastplate of righteousness (to cover my own sin and struggles with Jesus's righteousness-not to mention protect me from the spitting!! ha!), shoes of peace (so I can stand firm-but BE LOVING), shield of faith (faith in God that He is in control and I need to call out to him in times of trouble-as for the flaming arrows-well-we had plenty of them being shot at me tonight. Perhaps if I had been wearing my armor-they would have just bounced off), the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit." Ephesians 6:12-18 in bits and pieces.
If you read this and think of me tomorrow-will you pray for me? I have to start my day by eating crow and admitting to this child that I should not have yelled in my anger. I have to try to resist showing him the scratch marks he gave me and instead show him more love.
Goodnight blog world...and beware of the camels!