Sometimes being a foster Mom is like being.....a mommy dog. You think you have enough to care for all yours and enough to take in another who is not being cared for by it's own Mom. Move over puppies..we can fit one more in! :)
Sometimes being a foster Mom is like being....... a mommy cat. You are filled with compassion for the hurting one...you desire to lick all the wounds and carry the babe gently in your mouth to a safe place.
Sometimes being a foster Mom is like being....a mommy lion! This child comes to you unprepared for the new surroundings and you have to teach him everything. How things work in your den...and how to survive in the real world. You spend a lot of time going over the same things and role playing and practicing. Just like a Mommy lion playing hunting with her cub.
Sometimes being a foster Mom is like being......a chicken. Birds of a feather flock together. When you introduce a new chicken to a flock that has been raised together, the flock do not always accept the new chicken. Sometimes they are down right mean to it-try to peck at it-and they are so scared by the intrusion that they might stop laying eggs for a while. Likewise, your children might be in a bit of shock and may try some pecking of their own!
Sometimes....like today...being a foster Mom is like being.....a mama bear. Anyone gets too close to my baby bear and GRRRRRR! You better watch out! Even a suspected danger can lead a mama bear to kill!!! Today, my foster son made a bad choice. It's not the first time. In fact, it's the third time something of this "personal" nature has taken place. There is no chance that he "forgot" the rules, or that he "just didn't know better". He remembers. He knows better. But, he made a bad choice and it was towards my 8 year old daughter and my mama bear instinct is running full force!
Our finalization to adoption is in only 3 weeks. Did you ever admire a foster Mom and think, "Wow, she's doing such a great thing. I could never do it, though." Well...I want to tell you that you could. Here's how I know: It is SO hard. And whatever it looks like on the outside is NOT what it feels like on the inside. Whatever you think when you see me "handling" my 5 kids and our foster son...is not what reality feels like to this Mama Bear! I struggle and I sweat and I want sometimes to just growl loudly and attack in order to protect my own little cubs. I know you could do it, because I know God would do for you the same he does for me. He stops this Mama Bear in her tracks. The holy spirit calls me to back off, cool down, retreat and remember- that though this danger is not my own cub...he is God's own cub. Then, I am reminded that my foster son is not the one who has done wrong-he was wronged and hurt and what I see are the side effects from a rough first 5 years.
I still want to-and need to- protect my cubs. I keep trying different techniques...I try very hard to never leave them unattended, I use monitors to listen in as much as possible. But..I can't be everywhere, all the time. I need to be diligent to reinforce what's appropriate with my own and help them learn how to protect themselves when Mama Bear isn't in the same room.
My biggest prayer, is that God will do a work in my heart so that one day soon-my foster son will feel like one of my own cubs. Then, it will be easier to treat them all the same-love them all the same-and this Mama bird/dog/cat/chicken/lion/BEAR can trust her own instincts will be loving and fair for all the precious little ones God has intrusted to her!!!
I am so blessed to read this today! My husband and I after almost 1 yr of classes paper work etc are finally beginning foster care!!! It's all God's Timing thing I know, but we are heading head first into a new ministry for us. We have kept respite care twice in the last week and are already assigned 2 for the end of this month. I am so excited. I have so many words I cannot put them into a quick comment. but thank you and if you would be interested in sharing any wisdom PLEASE send it my way!!! :)
ReplyDeleteHis Clay-
Melissa