Love: Scheduling meals (and writing them down so kids can see) means no one bugs me twenty times a day with "What is for lunch" "Mom-what's for dinner?" and the complaints that are bound to come from some when they receive my answer. It means dinner gets cooked every day.
Love: Scheduling school (and explaining those expectations to the kiddos) results in school actually getting started. Not always finished....but at least started!
Love: Scheduling cleaning leads to me getting up off this chair in front of the computer and making progress-even if little by little!
Love: Scheduling time to work on the blog...facebook...It's A Blessing....Lilla Rose....means I am focusing on my kids when I should be and focusing on all the rest at an appropriate time. Priorities.
Love: Scheduling chores for the children frees me up for all the other hats I wear each day and continues their learning how to care for a home and be an important part of the family.
Love: Scheduling time for my husband. Whether it is time to do an errand he needs me to run...care for something of his...or do something special for him. It reminds him that he is MY MAN!
Love: Scheduling time for me. To be in the Word...to pray...to take a bath..paint my nails...read a book....even sleep enough! You know the rule-put the oxygen mask on yourself first-then the kids? Never been good at that one..but scheduling helps!
Hate: Schedules mean I have to get up on time.
Hate: Schedules mean I have to follow rules-even though they are my own!
Hate: Schedules require me to be consistent-something I am not good at.
Hate: Schedules appear to take away my sense of spontaneity. Mind you-that spontaneity never helps anything-but I fool myself into thinking I like it.
Hate: Schedules mean I can not be lazy-nor allow my children to be. Sometimes I like being lazy.
I think I see a pattern here.....
Schedules work for me. Except that I wish they didn't.
Schedules help me. Except that I somehow resent them.
Schedules are good. But I hate them.
My sinful..selfish flesh would like to just do things when I want, how I want, or not at all if I want.
But..today is the day.
Today is the day that I am ALL DONE with being ALL DONE!!!
(Did I just hear a great big cheer?????)
Yes...it's been a long..long...7 months. I have been on the edge of the cliff..just about to fall into depression most every day. Hanging on some days with just my fingernails...but hanging on nevertheless. Resisting the depression but succumbing to the selfishness and the pity and the lack of taking care of things the way I should because of it.
I felt ALL DONE.
The pain is not gone.
But I need to just make a choice.
Reaching up....grabbing the oxygen mask...putting it on myself first.
Deep breaths....deep breaths....
And for everyone else????