Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Psalm 84:5

Monday, June 27, 2011

Foster Findings

I like to talk.
I like to share truth.
I like to say it how it is and though I try to do that's not always appreciated.

I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I think I tend to do the same - even in writing.

Once-a woman told me she thought I shared "too much". She felt I should only ever share a negative thing about myself if God had already worked it out in me.  Then, I could also share the positive end result and thereby help that person see the light-so to speak. As opposed to risking being the type that just commiserate with each other's sins but never really encourage and help each other repent and turn away from them.

I've thought long and hard about those comments. During that time, I've come to realize that I'm one of those people that you either love or really hate. You either appreciate my honesty-my transparency-my willingness to put myself out there and risk others thinking poorly of me because I just said something out loud that many think and feel but won't admit to. wish I would just be quiet!!!

Sometimes I want to share something on this blog and wonder if there is a point? If it's something negative I've said or done, will it just allow someone else to continue in their sin? Is it profitable? Is it edifying? Is it encouraging?

See-I told you I like to talk-all that was just the intro!!! What I really want to blog is about being a foster mom.

Are you interested? Can you relate? Do you ever wonder what it really FEELS like? I want to tell you. I want to share. The good stuff-but the bad too. Will it be profitable? I hope so. Will it be edifying? I'll try my best. Will it encourage you? Well-either that or it might scare you away-either from fostering-my blog-or both!!

This is just one little thing that happened tonight. It makes me want to cry. I wish it weren't this way. If you are a foster mom-I hope it's not like this for you. If you are considering being a foster mom, I think it's important that you realize this might happen.

When I went to check on my 5 year old biological son, he was in a funny position on his bed. I adjusted him slightly and he started to wake. I spoke soothingly to him-rubbed his hair-gave him a kiss and he settled right back down.

Here's the sad part. As I was doing that  I had this thought:

"Why am I so very endearing to my own children but not to my foster son? Why do I so easily give them hugs and kisses and love on them all day-but not him? They have been raised in this type of love from day one-and though they need it...they don't need it like he does. He hasn't ever had love like that and I am the one in the position to give it to him. So...why is it so hard?"

Foster Findings #1:  Having compassion for children in need and desiring to foster or adopt-does not mean that said compassion will carry over to a real child. A real child, with real emotional problems. With real anger issues and behavior in your house-with your children-affecting your way of doing things every second of every day.
Foster Findings #2: Being a lovey dovey, cuddly, affectionate Mommy with your children..does not mean you will naturally be that way with a foster child -who by no fault of his own-comes in and rocks your whole world!

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” – Philippians 2:1-4

Foster Findings #3: It's not about you. It's not about me. It's not about what I like or don't like or what comes naturally or what doesn't. It's about doing nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Doing only in humility and putting the child/ren above your self. Reaching out to hug and cuddle even when you don't want to. Relying on the strength of God to help you deal patiently with those hard behaviors. Casting your cares on Jesus when you are weary and need rest. Finding your joy in Him-and Him alone -and not in the day to day- which some days seem like such a failure.

Thanks for joining me tonight-It's a blessing!


  1. Wow. Thank you for your transparency!

  2. We have had our first foster-to-adopt son for a month now. His brother came to visit this weekend for 5 days, and he, too, will eventually be with us. I understand how you feel. For the first 3 weeks or so, I was the same way, but when the brother came, he's such an affectionate little guy, he made it easy to hug and cuddle with him. That's what it took to get me "over the hump" with our first little guy.

  3. Oh and come on over to my blog and follow me and our family's journey, too!

  4. I am not sure how I found your blog, but I really enjoyed reading this post on your foster findings. I was a foster child when I was too young to remember, all I have from my foster mom is a beautiful letter she wrote to my adoptive family. I treasure it very much! I recently just posted it on my blog as well. God Bless You!